I wake up with jolt when realizing I dreamed about something I supposed to be our. I dream that we were there and David was crowning the title!!

Huft… What the heck!!

I look around me and I could make out nothing more than darkness and opaque wall in my room. I stir my head, I see a silhouette lying beside me, it realize me where I am, I’m in a reality. I slip out of my bed with very minimum of noise, been trying not to wake him up.

Slowly, I lock my self in my office; turn the computer on; make my self busy with the_whatever_things, even though at the end I found nothing.

I am hardly breathing; open the drawer and took a cigarette, something I never touch again for years but these recent days really drive me crazy, this is my only help to keep myself under the sense. In spite of, it is all about him, David. The only person who I can to talk to, but I can talk about him with himself, can I?

Stars glimmering palely mix with grey blue of the break day sky. I see half moon smiling at me on the east as the slit crimson gold of sun’s rays begin to rose up from the horizon. A bit cold and windy as now early autumn and always deliver with unique smell.

It is the day, the big day where we supposed to drive in through, but we are not, we are here, at home. My thought train back to a couple days ago, when finally we decided to give up.

His mother called me, just to check her son, before she appeared out in our garage herself.

‘Have I voice here?’ asked her while we are already sat together.

‘Yes of course, just speak up,’ replied Albert, David personal and team manager,

‘You really wanna go?’ again, she asked but now her addressing more to David than to anybody else here.

David nodded as his answer.

‘Well, if I have said, why don’t you just stay a week longer, you’re there or not it doesn’t make any difference to him, right? He’ll be crown, surely. How much your ability to deprive? It’s very slim, isn’t? Forget this. You stay, continue your recovery and get ready to defend your spot next rounds. Don’t be silly, I’m not speaking as your mother, but as your fans, we don’t want you push yourself to hard; we don’t want you to get another serious injury. Please think carefully before you make decision to go.’ Said her to advice her son.

‘But doctor has clearance of me.’Insist David.

‘And I try to clear your mind,’ smiled her.

At last, that was the decision. We give up.

This moment, I have to honest to myself if I can really accept this situation, although two days ago I was on mom’s side, while I persuaded David. ‘Mom’s right, we don’t have to push our self beyond the limit, mathematically we’re already lose. Why don’t we get this and prepared for next year, for instance?’

Right now, that stuff really irritating and it hard for me to get the reality is, and we are really, truly lose. Today, it will be reveal, who is the king.

Stars still glimmering above, I look my watch, it is the time!

I take my feet back from balcony; turn the TV on. Narrowly finish, but it has not yet. Five minutes, four minutes, time seemingly goes slowly even I know, for us, it is already finish!

He has it, really he is.

I see Prince smile widely, he so, so happy with his achievement, to be back on top the rostrum. But my eyes cannot off from him!

The happiest man today

I turn the TV off exactly he shown the plaque who wrote “GAME OVER”. I am turning back to the balcony.

Yeah… The game was over; I knew it right after I flew from Japan a week ago.

The sky brighter right now, but I felt that the sun will never come out!

Somewhere inside me seemingly wants to protest. I could feel there are part of it wants to scream out loud. Screaming to the dawn, screaming to…… I don’t even know whether somebody or something wants to listen. Loads of “why” question began to coming out one by one, things who annoying me lately.

However, I am laughing myself for being unsporting and unfair people. How could I standing up his win? The facts unquestionably that he deserved it, but then, again-I retort my self-and so does David! He did not deserved this kind of injury, not when he on his best shape; not when his dream just two steps ahead; not when the crown lying inches away.

And what was the deal? It was we had to bury that dream; had to forget this; had to let it go from our hands.

I take another cigarette, but after a second or two I decide not to smoke, anymore, yet I did not put it back to the pack. I told myself, parroted him, the game was over. I close my eyes and sudden picture form in my mind, the game was over, yes it was, but it definitely for him, not for us. We still have a lot of things to fight for, and that is the fact. It is true. We will be back with another purpose.

‘What ‘re you doin here.’

I nearly jump to the air when I heard someone voice behind me, surprisingly I turn my head.

‘Oh gosh!! You almost gave me the heart failure! Make a sound please, don’t just slip in like this’ I said with my heart still beating quite fast as if I just run for miles.

David look at me with confuse mimic, then he said, ‘make a sound? I did! Didn’t you hear when the door opens? It was you who drown in your own mind.’

‘What are you doing anyway; it’s too early for you to wake up.’ I asking just to change the topic.

‘It was me who supposed to ask that question, isn’t it?’ I did not answer, so he went on, ‘I woke up and didn’t know where you were, I have been searching you around the house’

‘You were searching me?! You didn’t need to do that-‘

‘Then don’t just disappeared, I’m terrified!!’ interjected him abruptly.

‘Hey, take it easy. I’ll not go anywhere’ I smile but then fell solemn at once he gave me a fierce glare. ‘Okay, I’m sorry, really. I was dream about something ugly and don’t wanna wake you up if I keep staying there, so I slip out and locked myself here, I didn’t mean to terrified you. I’m sorry. ’

David face still looked angry.

‘Oh come on, I’m really sorry’

When his irritated face softened I said, ‘let’s get back to sleep, then. You need rest more than usual.’

Under my breath, I was wondering whether David suspect anything with my disappearance just now. I was sure that he does not forget about what the event is held today, this morning, but he seems not bothering to tell me that.

There are moment that I feel he wants to spit it out, he remain silent, though. He might have known, this is not the thing we need to talk to; to discuss about or he just simply wants to spare my feeling. He knows clearly how much my disappointment.

I have no dare to touch him even though he lying so near beside me, not with my thought full of his stuff. After a minute or so, probably longer that I can’t be sure of, and my mind was completely drained with heavy thought, I am fallen asleep. It just a good sign for me and wishes the cloud will clear up by the time I wake up.

The sun began to rise up in the horizon this moment, but I have no desire to enjoy it as I usually do. I would rather to close my eyes ad trying to forget unsatisfied things that came consecutively in these recent days.

In my fond hope, that I have more strength to face all these stuff, because this way, our way is very cruel. You do or lose the game, which is the deal.


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